I am super passionate about mental health awareness.... if it even makes sense to say I'm passionate about it. The stigma around mental health is something that bothers me more than I can say. Mental illnesses are just that- illnesses! In a talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland called "Like a Broken Vessel", he states, speaking of mental illnesses, "However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of malignant tumor." My hope is that we can all be more understanding of mental illnesses, and prevent people from feeling the shame and stigma that often comes with such things.
Growing up, my mom experienced her share of mental health problems, specifically with anxiety and major depressive disorder (MDD). I didn't understand it when I was younger, but I do remember being about 8 years old and looking at my mom laying down in her bed. I remember recognizing that, even though my mom obviously wasn't feeling well, it wasn't her body that was sick- it was something else. The older I got, the more I was able to understand her situation. I remember one time being so angry at her for sitting in her room all day instead of doing things around the house. My stupid 16 year old self snapped at her, and I've never been able to forget the pain I saw in her eyes after I said what I did. That's when I was hit with the fact that my mom wasn't choosing to be depressed. In fact, she hated it. She hated that it prevented her from doing things that she would otherwise do. She couldn't control when she felt depressed or had a panic attack. As embarrassing as that moment is for me to remember, I'm grateful that it happened so I could realize that mental illnesses really aren't something that people want. These problems really aren't as easily controlled as people think. So often, people assume that those with mental illnesses can just "snap out of it". Wrong! It's not that simple. My mom didn't just sit around hoping to be depressed. Some people seemed to think that she put no effort into being happy, and people even said things like that to me. I often didn't know how to respond when people would make those critical comments, especially when it was family members that would say those things, but I just knew that I was SO angry. This was my mom people were talking about. I felt so protective over her, but didn't know how to stand up when I had the opportunity.
The end of my mission/for a few months after I got home from my mission, I had my own struggles with anxiety and depression (mainly anxiety). For the most part I've been fine since then, but all this infertility stuff has been hard. On Mother's Day, I was an emotional wreck. Luckily though, Heavenly Father sent me some tender mercies, like my favorite little twins sitting with me at church and being able to leave work early and spend time with my sweet husband. I've found that those tender mercies always come. My mom also sent me this quote from Sharon Eubank- "To all the women, who are uncomfortable on Mother's Day, I would say: Don't let sadness obscure your view. Your covenants have already paved your path. Keep going. You are doing better than you know... What might the Lord say to us? I think He would throw His arms around us and let us know we are worthy enough to keep going and our sacrifices have been acceptable before Him. He would tell us He is reserving for us all that is in our hearts, unspoken things that only He could know. He would say that He sees us and all we do behind the scenes, that we are not invisible to Him."
So to all the moms out there that have depression, anxiety or any other mental health problems, I just want to let you know that your kids love you. And they know you love them. Maybe they don't understand what you're going through, but time and maturity will help with that. You will always be their mother.
To everyone else with mental illnesses, keep going! Read Elder Holland's talk, do something that you love! To those without mental illnesses- refrain from judging! Listening goes a long way. "Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental and kind."
The end :)
(Yes, I know it's June now, I just forgot to publish this post in May :)
