Here are some current pregnancy thoughts for ya...
-We found out that we're having a BOY! As the oldest of 4 girls (and a mom who's the oldest of 4 girls, and a grandma who's the oldest of 4 girls) it's a bit of a foreign concept to imagine a little boy! Even though I tried to hold out a little bit of hope it could be a girl, I've had a feeling the whole pregnancy that it's a boy. Part of that was for my dad's sake so he could experience a little boy :) but mostly it was because of some really special experiences I had while going through our infertility, which I probably won't ever share publicly. Not trying to be secretive or hold out on anyone, but just a really special thing that I want to keep close.
-Sometimes it's hard for me to not feel guilty that I only experienced about 2 years of infertility when others experience so much more. Not that I'm not so extremely grateful to be pregnant right now, because obviously I am. My heart just aches for those women and couples that are currently still battling infertility and all that comes with it.
-Everyone keeps telling me it gets better in the 2nd trimester. Obviously I wish that was the case for me, but it doesn't look like it will be. I have made some small improvements, which I'm very grateful for! But I was told I have "hyperemesis gravidarum", which is basically extreme morning sickness. Trust me, it's a real thing, even though it almost sounds fake or exaggerated! My doctors said it's most common between weeks 5-16, but in some women can last much longer and potentially not ever go away during the pregnancy. Such a comforting thing to hear after I'd been throwing up constantly :) Zofran hasn't done much for me at all, but the last couple days I've been taking a new medicine (no idea how to spell the name) and it seems to work much better.
-The other night, when I was feeling super nauseous & afraid I'd throw up, I had this big epiphany. If I hadn't gone through what I did to get to this point (aka infertility before this pregnancy), I would be so ungrateful right now. I've had so many days where I just cry because this pregnancy has been so hard... and I'm sick of throwing up! 5 times now, I've thrown up so much & so often that I have to go to the hospital for an IV to get hydrated again (which I didn't even know was a thing before my pregnancy). My record is throwing up every 30 minutes, and that's one record I'm hoping not to break. Those have been my worst days, but most days I'm stuck on the couch because I'm so nauseous and can't afford to do much other than lay there. But if we hadn't gone through our infertility, I would've had a much worse attitude about this pregnancy and not been as grateful for it.
-I have a love/hate relationship with food and with naps. On my good/ok days, I seem to need to eat a small meal every hour and a half or two hours. BUT I've thrown up almost everything so it's pretty rare that something actually sounds appetizing. My poor hubby-- he'll try to throw out suggestions and I'm just like "no, no, no, that sounds gross too....". He's the best for being so patient with me. And for feeding me all the time. (Like seriously, he'll come home from his lunch breaks and first thing he does is make me food. He's also gotten used to all the crumbs in our bed, because some days all I can do is snack. AND he's taken over the majority of the chores + grocery store runs.)Also, sometimes I desperately need a nap, but for the past month or so, every time I take a nap, I wake up feeling more sick than before. Like my body gets mad that I went that long without eating or drinking anything.
-I am CRAZZZYY sensitive to smells. The past two days I have barely left our bedroom because something in our house (in our kitchen/living room) smells so bad. I haven't been able to figure out what it is and Christopher doesn't even really smell anything. Yesterday it made me throw up, and today I was gagging super bad but made it back into our room before I actually threw up. For a couple months now, the smell of our gas stove/oven has made me sick too. I have to go back into our bedroom anytime Christopher makes food on the stove because I can't stand the smell. The last time we used our oven, I sat outside in the garage for almost an hour because not only was the smell bad while our lasagna was cooking, but it took forever to go away after the fact! Luckily my grandparents are saving me/us again and they've let me use their oven a couple times now to cook things. So yes, I'm pretty much dependent on Christopher either making me food or bringing it home, or on pre-made meals I can microwave when he's not here. (Oh yeah, cuz driving makes me sick too!)
-I honestly think anyone that goes through pregnancy is super woman, regardless of how "difficult" it is. Every woman's body is different and every pregnancy will be different, but we're all growing a little human inside of us! So incredible!!!
-I'm so thankful for General Conference this past weekend. Beforehand, I hoped to hear something that would help sustain me through the physical and emotional difficulties of this pregnancy. I was so emotional during Elder D. Todd Christofferson's talk on JOY. He quoted President Nelson & reminded us "The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives." My circumstances most likely aren't going to change anytime soon- I won't magically not feel nauseous & not throw up- but it was a great reminder for me to refocus on how grateful I am to be carrying this child. Our prayers have been answered and I know that Heavenly Father continues to listen to my prayers and give me the strength I need. (Also, I wanted to start applauding during Reyna Aburto's talk on mental illness! I'm sure if you've read any of my posts before, you won't be surprised by that. I was so happy that she was so straightforward. She deserves some sort of award, that's for sure! :)
-Just like my other blog posts, this is not meant to generate sympathy or pity. I'm doing this for me- partly just to express my thoughts & feelings, and another part is that I don't want to forget things & want to write it down. If anyone can relate to or be helped by anything I write, then that's just an added bonus :)
