A couple weeks ago, my cute sister had a baby girl. My parents and my youngest sister came out to Utah to see her, and I was able to get off work and spend a week with them. Newborn babies are the most precious things! Before I went up there, I was nervous that it would be really hard for me to be around a newborn and not just be super depressed, but it was so fun. I loved seeing my sister and her husband interact with their new baby girl, and my parents are the cutest grandparents alive. My youngest sister was always so willing to change diapers, prepare bottles, etc. She's going to be an amazing mom one day as well.
While I was with my family, I read Al Carraway's book, "More than the Tattooed Mormon". It was AMAZING- everyone should read it. In one section, she talked about priesthood blessings, saying, "There will be many of you reading this right now who are in need of a priesthood blessing. Please, get one. Do not talk yourself out of it. A rule of thumb for me is that if someone asks me if I need one or if the idea comes to mind, I take that as a nudge from the Spirit and follow through. Because of that, I have had several blessings that started out with 'Heavenly Father wanted to speak with you...' How sad it would have been if I missed out on hearing personalized counsel because I actively chose to shrug off the idea. Your situation is never too small or insignificant for a blessing. Nothing is insignificant to your God...remember that Heavenly Father wants to speak to you; He loves you, and He will help make this possible if you reach out."
This really stood out to me, because I had been thinking about asking for my Dad to give me a blessing while he was out here; now I knew that I needed to get one. In the blessing, I was told many things I needed to hear. The thing that stuck out to me the most was a reminder to "seek to know and have confidence in the will and timing and wisdom of the Lord." I realized after the blessing that part of me had been secretly hoping/expecting to be told that my desire to be a mom would be given to me. Obviously that didn't happen. I realized that I can't be given a timeline, at least not right now, because I do have to continue to build my trust in the will and wisdom of the Lord.
Some days, relying on Him is easier than others. I'm grateful for further advice that Al Carraway gave related to priesthood blessings, saying that she kept a journal detailing things from her priesthood blessings- "I now have many years of counsels and blessings worded directly from my Father in Heaven for me specifically. This has proven to be one of my biggest treasures in my trials. How easy it is to let our clouds of trials block our sun. How easy it is lose sight of what we need to be doing and what is waiting for us to receive. Oftentimes when things are really hard, I'll lie on the floor, pull out this journal and just read it to move the clouds that block the sun." Even though I only got a blessing a couple weeks ago, I've been able to do what Al Carraway did because I decided to start my own priesthood journal. It's been very reassuring to look back and remember what counsel and love I was given through my blessing.
So, to answer your real question- No, I'm not pregnant. The medicine I was on didn't work, and now I'm on a new one. It was hard news to accept, but it definitely wasn't as hard as past months have been. My good days, where I can have faith that I'll get pregnant when I'm supposed to, have definitely outnumbered the hard days this time, and I attribute that to the priesthood blessing I received. My new medicine is the one my mom was on when she got pregnant with me and my sister, so here's to hoping it has the same effect on me! Keep your prayers coming, please!
To end, here's a quote from Sheri Dew- "But shouldn’t we expect the journey towards eternal glory to stretch us? We sometimes rationalize our preoccupation with this world and our casual attempts to grow spiritually by trying to console each other with the notion that living the gospel really shouldn’t require all that much of us. The Lord’s standard of behavior will always be more demanding than the world’s, but then the Lord’s rewards are infinitely more glorious—including true joy, peace, and salvation... What the Lord requires first is our hearts. Imagine how our choices would be affected if we loved the Savior above all else: how we would spend our time and money, or dress on a hot summer day, or respond to the call to [minister] and take care of one another, or react to media that offend the Spirit." (Everyone go follow "The Small Seed" on Instagram if you want to see some uplifting posts; that's where I got this quote.)
I know that the daily choices I'm trying to make to follow and to love the Savior are preparing me to become a mom. I'm not always as grateful as I should be, but looking back so far, I'm grateful that I'm being stretched, and that this is helping me move one step closer to earning my eternal glory.
The end :)
Not a prayer missed! Love you!
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